the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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