you traded sex for a burrito?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
