I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
