I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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