So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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