Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
