i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
