I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
