I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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