There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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