i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
