Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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