he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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