Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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