I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
