Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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