guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
