She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
