Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
