i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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