I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
