I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
