May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
