I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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