1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
