dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
