you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
