She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
