That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
