so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
