I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my poor anus
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
