U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
