In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
