When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
