I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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