Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
