Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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