I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
