my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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