HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
