So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
