he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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