is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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