I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my sisters under your porch take her home
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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