you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
