I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's like a pop up book from hell.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
