i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
