I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
