My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
