sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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