I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
