Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have aggressive nipples.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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