You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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