I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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