chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
