i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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