New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
