You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
